30

Today I turn 30. I wanted to find a photo that somehow represented this milestone. When I was 18 I had a group of friends, who I never thought I would celebrate a future birthday with out. At 21, I was the recipient of a big surprise party, lots and lots of college friends. Some of those friends are still in my life, but the other 50 or so? I’m not so sure. I turned 25 and had a group of friends, including women who were my bridesmaids, and thought that these were certainly life long friends. A couple of them are still around.. Last year I had a packed house and an invite list of over 60 people, and I thought they would all be in my life for years to come. A few of them remain as well, but many have gone their separate ways.  This birthday has been hard in that aspect. While I have a few good and wonderful friends, I’ve also lost a lot of people, especially this past year. I’ve also changed a lot. I have been terribly sad about this, and then this morning while preparing with my husband for the days birthday activities I thought about all of those faces, the ones that were in my life for a moment in time. The ones I thought I’d know forever.  I wonder what it would be like to simply be at peace that these people were a part of my life for a while, and it’s ok that they are no longer. They make up the history of my life, and my future, will continually change, mold and shape, and for each of those steps, the faces may change. In the end though, they will all make up the fabric of my life, be it a short time, or many years. I’ve been on this Earth for 30 years, I continue to change and evolve and discover who I am. This is not a process to mourn any longer, but one to celebrate. Those faces represent fabric, not loss. They represent places I’ve been. And they represent the few who have remained through it all, and that today is what I love. Life is beautiful, indeed.