Relief.
July 30, 2008
Originally uploaded by natalamc
Today, was the first time in a long time I felt some relief from the funk I’ve been in. I’m not even sure what brought it on, although I did talk a lot of stuff out, and wrote a lot of stuff out. It’s not just been the past that has been on mind, although that has been a big part of it. And I think in part, because sometimes I’m an optimist to a fault, and thought that somehow by now justice and truth would have prevailed.
But as I was reminded (thanks Matt) sometimes we aren’t going to be there to see the justice part.
Partly, I think I’ve been angry about what it (being the Church/the job) took away from me…relationships, friends, trust, and something in my creative soul.
But this morning, after thinking about it, I decided that, even after all of this I would rather know the truth. The truth has been hard to carry around, but it is the truth. And, when I was there, a part of it, oblivious to the truth, blindly accepting lies of those who were a part of it all, that was misery, I just didn’t know.
I lost a lot, I lost a lot of people I thought cared about me, I lost a lot of what I thought was important to me. But today, I am glad it is all lost, because it was not real, it was all a deception. And as a good friend pointed out to me, because it was all lies, it was never there to be lost. And with it behind me, I can move on, maybe a little more cautiously than I have before, but non the less, move on, and know that I might not be around to see it, but justice and truth will prevail. I guess I’m a sucker for comic books, the ones that end with the bad guy getting caught. Where are the superhero’s when you need them?
In other, and very good news… My husband and I booked a vacation the the Mayan Riveria for our 5 year wedding anniversary. This will be my FIRST time out of the country, and will be our first real vacation since the honeymoon. We’ve refrained from any really big trips, mainly due to my health, but since things are looking better and better on that front, we decided to go for it. Which, could explain why I am starting to feel a lot better today – thinking about relaxing on a beach, reading books…. at a private resort, sounds completely perfect right now… And is only 2 months away.
July 30, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Wow. Woman – you have really be through ALOT! I admire your courage in the midst of all of this. You are a remarkable person.
I am excited about your vacation. Gosh- that sounds amazing.
March 23, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I accidentally found your blog, and started to skim read it just out of curiosity. I couldn’t find your name, so I figured you were going for anonomity. You have left me curious as to which church you are talking about, or whether you are talking about all churches in general. Just wondered, if you want to clarify, but obviously you don’t have to.